“You Had Me at Coach”: The 30 Best ‘Ted Lasso’ Quotes
Believe in these all-time great lines from Apple TV+’s Jason Sudeikis-starring comedy.
BY JOSH WIGLER
AFC Richmond doesn’t always bring it on the field. But what the heroes of Ted Lasso lack in a winning record, they more than make up for with winning dialogue.
From series star Jason Sudeikis and fellow creators Bill Lawrence, Brendan Hunt and Joe Kelly, Ted Lasso deserves its reputation as one of the most quotable shows of the modern television age. It’s brimming with enough quips to match Coach Lasso’s infectious enthusiasm and a veritable stadium-sized amount of heartfelt sentiments — so many you couldn’t fit them all as Post-its on a wall.
Rounding up the best Lasso quotes is not as daunting a task as the Bantr-sponsored Richmond’s quest to “win the whole fucking thing,” but it’s daunting all the same. And yet, for all who dare to try, it’s best to keep Ted’s simplest advice in mind: “Believe.”
Celebrating the Emmy-winning comedy’s March 15 season three debut, The Hollywood Reporter offers up the 30 best quotes from the wide world of Ted Lasso, presented as superlatives.
“Football is life.” — Dani Rojas, various episodes
“Be a goldfish.” — Ted Lasso, Season 1 Episode 2: “Biscuits”
“I’m a strong and capable man. I’m not a piece of shit.” — Colin Hughes, Season 2 Episode 6: “The Signal”
“The truth will set you free… but first, it will piss you off.” — Dr. Sharon Fieldstone, Season 2 Episode 7: “Headspace,” and Season 2 Episode 12: “Inverting the Pyramid of Success”
“A good mentor hopes you move on. A great mentor knows you will.” — Leslie Higgins, Season 2 Episode 12: “Inverting the Pyramid of Success”
“I can diagnose myself in a heartbeat. I thought being invulnerable would protect me, so I pushed people away for years, leading me directly to my greatest fear: being alone. Big whoop.” — Rebecca Welton (pictured with Leslie), Season 2 Episode 2: “Lavender”
“Coach, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else?” — Jamie Tartt, Season 1 Episode 2: “Biscuits”
“It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live. Never disappoints.” — Ted Lasso, Season 1 Episode 9: “All Apologies”
“Congratulations, you both just met a cool person!” — Ted Lasso, Season 1 Episode 3: “Trent Crimm: The Independent”
“You deserve someone who will make you feel like you’ve been struck by lightning. Don’t you dare settle for fine.” — Roy Kent, Season 2 Episode 1: “Goodbye Earl”
“Old people are so wise. They’re like Tall Yodas.” — Jamie Tartt (pictured), Season 2 Episode 2: “Lavender”
“Ronald Reagan?? The actor???” — Coach Beard, Season 1 Episode 5: “Tan Lines”
“You had me at Coach.” — Roy Kent, Season 2 Episode 5: “Rainbow”
“[Keeley, (pictured with Rebecca)] told me to expect a mustachioed surprise that would anger me. I thought it was gonna be Wario or my great aunt Natalie.” — Roy Kent, Season 2 Episode 5: “Rainbow”
“If we see each other in our dreams, let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other.” — Ted Lasso, Season 1 Episode 1: “Pilot”
“Horticulture, baby!” — Coach Beard, Season 2 Episode 12: “Inverting the Pyramid of Success”
“It’s Shelley and you know it, you dithering kestrel!” — Nate (pictured, with Ted Lasso), Season 2 Episode 5: “Rainbow”
“There’s something I should warn you of: I’m only going to get more wonderful.” — Sam Obisanya, Season 2 Episode 10: “No Weddings and a Funeral”
“I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there you’re just one in 11.” — Ted Lasso, Season 1 Episode 2: “Biscuits”
“We’re gonna call this drill The Exorcist, ’cause it’s all about controlling possession.” — Ted Lasso, Season 1 Episode 2: “Biscuits”
“‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.” — Ted Lasso, Season 1 Episode 8: “The Diamond Dogs”
“We’re Richmond ’til we die, we’re Richmond ’til we die! We know we are, we’re sure we are, we’re Richmond ’til we die!” — Everyone, various episodes
“He’s here, he’s there, he’s every fucking where! Roy Kent! Roy Kent!” — Everyone, various episodes (Pictured: Roy Kent with Coach Beard and Ted Lasso)
“I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.” — Keeley Jones, Season 1 Episode 1: “Pilot”
“It hurt my … feeling.” — Roy Kent, Season 2 Episode 12: “Inverting the Pyramid of Success”
“If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.” — Trent Crimm, Season 1 Episode 3: “Trent Crimm: The Independent”
“This is my cat’s collar. She was a faithful companion for 20 years. I’m gonna miss you, Cindy Clawford.” — Leslie Higgins, Season 1 Episode 6: “Two Aces”
“I think things come into our lives to help us get from one place to a better one.” — Ted Lasso, Season 2 Episode 1: “Goodbye Earl”
“Believe.” — The Richmond Locker Room (pictured), various episodes
“Fuck!” — Roy Kent, various episodes
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The third season of Ted Lasso launches March 15 on Apple TV+ and will have new episodes weekly through May 31.
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